Runnin' for Pope

Well, the pope is pulling the pin so you know what that means: It's pope runnin' time.

I ran for pope the last time the job came open. I didn't do as well as I thought would, but I have a feeling I have a better shot at getting the pope hat this time around.

I'm starting off my campaign with a snappy new look. I had my buddy frankdog "pope me up" a picture of how I will look when I am elected. Pretty classy let me tell you. I just don't see how I can lose.

The first thing I need is a couple of snappy sayings. I've started already:

• "The only hope is Billy for pope"
• "Out of the west, Willy's the best"
• "Don't be a dope vote the Cap'n for pope"

The second thing I'll need is a platform. I was thinking of using 4x4s,2x4s,2x6s and 1x6s, pressure treated of course. That's an old joke but it shows I got a sense of humour.

The last thing I need to do is make some meaningless promises. I operate on the principle: the bigger the lie the more people will beleive.

Once I'm elected then I'm gonna start redecorating. The first thing I'm going to do is put a bar into the sistine chapel. There won't be any of that holy wine, it's beer and whiskey all around. It goes without saying that babes will run the bar and serve drinks..

I'm starting to get all hyped up about this. I better start packing my bags.