Chainsaw Daze

Ok, I live Whitehorse, Yukon. Apparently that's somewhere up north and out in the bush. When you live in places like this, there's this thing about being a "man" and what you have to do to be a "man". One of a the things a "man" has is a big bloody 4X4. Invariably, these things avtually never get out in the bush. They're only used to drive to Tim Horton's. Another of the other things a "man" has is a chainsaw. Yah live in the bush, yah gotta have a saw !!

Now, all of my friends have these fancy Stihls and Huskys. So with all this cash invested in hardware do you thing there's much logging around here ? No way. People use these things to cut firewood out of old burn areas. These guys cut a couple of cords a year and then yeehaw "I'm a man !!"

I was never into this chainsaw shtick, not me, I've got an el cheapo Poulan. The thing has leaked oil since I got, it's ugly and green. Guess what ? It works !! The one thing it does have is a 20" bar. Up here you're lucky if you can find a tree with more than an 8" diameter. I admit it's overkill. All of my buddies have 16" bars on their saws. These guys laugh at me, ha ha ha ha, 'cause I've got this cheesey green saw.

Like with everything else that makes a "man", size does count. That's right boys yuk it up 'cause the laff's on you boys.

I have a dream, again

The other night I had this dream. I dunno I think I gotta quit going to sleep or something.

Anyhoo, I'm driving my truck through the bush backwards. It's the new truck, the '05 F-250 supercab diesel 4X4.

I'm ripping the the sides off the truck box as I'm backing up through the bushes, not to mention I'm crumpling in the tailgate as well. I stop and get out to have a look. As I'm standing there looking at the damage I've done, these 2 hoboes walk up and start telling me what I should do. Now, these are not ordinary bums, these hoboes are your classy type hoboes, with the top hats and canes and spats.

So, just then I start to wake up. A vision of this Mr. Peanut guy from the Planter's peanut jar flashes through my head. You know the guy, the one with the top hat, monocle and cane.

I start to wonder what this means.

Then another thought goes thought my mind "don't eat roasted peanuts" !!

Then it all comes together !!!

I should never eat roasted peanuts and back my truck through the bush at the same time !!!

A good safety tip sez the Cap'n, by gar !!

Enough is Enough

I was home sick the other day. I sat around watching the US news channels. They spent the whole morning following Britney's SUV to the LA County court house for some court appoinment of some kind. Of course, they did this by chopper.

What's this world coming to ?

Is it any wonder terrorists hate the US ? The US is out supporting governments that are unpopular; governments that kill and torture people. On the home front what do we see on the news networks ? Choppers chasing Britney !!! Jeeze Looweeze !!!

I'm gonna go down and buy a couple of bottles of whiskey; then I'm headin up the North Klondike Highway. I'm gonna stick my thumb out and wait for some aliens to pick me up. That's it I'm leavin' this planet.