My Nephew David

My nephew David came up for a visit last week. He's my wife's older brother's oldest kid. He's 21 or so and he's going to university. He was up for 3 days after he finished his summer job and before he starts school again. He's a very nice kid, I suppose he's actually a man but to me he's a kid. He's quiet and polite. He's very bright and has an interesting sense of humour.

My wife started back to work teaching so I took some time off to show him around. I didn't mind 'cause he's a nice kid. But he would drive me C-R-A-Z-Y ! !

I would ask him "Do you want to go to the musem or ride the train ?"

He'd say "Yeah, that'd be ok I guess."

I'd say "No, no, no you have to choose one: musem or train ?"

He'd say "Yeah, whatever."

I'd say "Musem ?"

He'd say "Sure, I guess."

I'd say "Train ?"

He'd say "Uh, yeah ok."

It just drove me crazy. So I finally got an answer out of him. He wanted to go on the train. It was like this for everything. Although by the end of the visit I got him trained up so good and proper so he'd answer me directly.

So we're riding on the train. Dave's sitting on the inside by the window so he can get a better view. I'm sitting beside him. You can walk to the back or front of the rail car and stand on the little platform to get a better view or take a better picture than from inside the car. We're riding along.

Dave says to me "That's a nice view."

I look out the window and and sez "Yep."

He starts looking at me so I look at him and sez "What?"

He says "Well ?"

I says "Well what?"

He says "Well could you please move so I could get out and take a picture ?"

Jee-ee-ee-ze how'm I supposed to know he wants me to move. It's not like I can read minds you know.

The other thing was gettin' him to make conversation.

I'd say "What's your sister doin' ?"

He'd say "Working."

I'd say "How's your mom and dad doin' ?"

He'd say "Fine."

Bloody Blue Hell !! But, at least he didn't mind not talking. We could drive for half an hour and not say anything which was ok.

His ole man is kinda screwy. He phoned while David was there. He wanted to check up on him. He asked how I was doin'. I told I recently found out I had diabetes. I said I was cutting back on the beef and eating more fish. I said I hated fish. He asked why was cutting back on beef. I said well you know there's more omega 3 in fish and blah blah blah blah.

He says "Well, there's plenty of omega 3 in beef. "

I sez "What ? yer full of it !!"

He says "Oh yeah."

I sez " I never heard that."

He says "Oh yeah, in grass fed beef."

Well now here we go. It turns out that there's this one cow in Lower Slobbovia owned by some little old granny lady that pastured on the east side of this one particular mountain that had a slightly higher omega 3 content in it's meat than other beef. That's why beef is high in omega 3. Christ on a raft !!

There were signs. I should have known. When I first started going out with my wife her family was into this weirdness; one her sisters, her brother and her mother were twisting silverware. I don't mean with pliers either. I mean the whoooo-ooooo-oooo stuff like Uri Geller. All that psychic mumbo jumbo. I could have run then but no.