Dogs are so Stoooooooopid !

We have this mongrel dog, it's a cross between somethin' and somethin' else. It's a fleabag idiot, lord knows why we keep it. It weighs about 35 pounds, is salt and pepper colored and stands 18 inches tall at the back.

When we first got the mutt I'd let it out in the backyard and it ate the skidoo seat, the tail light, reflector, the whole shebang. Dummass hound.

Anyway, we have guinea pigs and el poocho loves these things. It's constantly trying to get at these damn guinea pigs. Not because it wants to eat them but because it wants to play with them. Anytime the pooch has gotten near them it starts lickin' 'em and slobberin' on 'em. It's just plain disgusting.

So, one spring the dog is in the backyard running around like a retard and it spots this gopher. It starts chasing the gopher. This gopher is no gopher Einstein either, instead of running down a hole it runs from one side of the yard to the other, back and forth, back and forth. The fool dog is woof woof woofing like crazy. The gopher is chittering like an idiot. Whoopee !!!

Finally, the gopher runs under our 4 wheeler ATV and crawls somewhere up into the frame. The ATV has a cover on. The gopher figures it's safe. But it's wrong. The dog starts digging and it's still woof woof woofing. The gopher is still chittering and he sounds plenty pissed off. Somehow the doggarino manages to dig a hole under the ATV and disappears under the ATV cover.

We hear more woofing and chittering and we see the cover undulating about as if the ATV has been taken over by an alien lifeform. Jeezus. We finally decide to rescue the poor gopher before the dog kills it. We rip the cover off the ATV and somehow manage to get the dog untanagled from the ATV. The gopher is still PO'ed and the dog's still woofing. We get the dog away and there's this gopher, sitting up in the ATV frame, soaking wet ! The dog did get the gopher, instead of killing it, the dog was licking it. K-e-e-rist !

We take the dog in the house and the gopher makes a break for it, instead of making for his hole, he hides in a pile of lumber. My wife lets the dog loose again. The gopher starts chittering, the dog finds where the gopher is hiding, here we go again. At least the dog can't get at the gopher this time. Jeeze bloody Louise !

The Capn sez: It's obvious why people love and keep dogs. It makes us look smart !!