Taking Applications

OK, this pope thing is gonna take a lot more work than I figured. I seriously thought I'd have to chuck the damn thing but then it occured to me why should I be doing all the work. The world is full of peasants, so I'm staffing up for this sucker.

I've already filled the position as head of the Swiss Guard. It's some guy I know, Felix something or other. I forget his last name but that's not important. The important thing is that Felix is an actual Swiss person - how cool is that ? You bet !

Felix was a poor yet humble swineherd from some mountain in Swissland. He'd herd them swines up the mountain in the morning and then herd them back down at night just in time for swine milking. Now it's adios to the bucolic* life as one of the simple folk and it's on to the bright lights of VC**.

So, I know people out there are thinking, how can I get a classy job like that with such a classy hat. The answer is simple: join Cap'n Willys pope team. If Felix can do it so can you. Who'd a thought a simple swineherd would ever amount to anything ? Certainly not me. Anyway he heard the "Calling" and ponied up to the table and look where he is today.

Apply now, the time is right.

References
*I just love the word bucolic although I'm not entirely sure what it means
** Vatican City.

I thought it would fancy up this post to add footnotes and it sure does.

A Sign from God

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

That meteor over Russia is a sure sign from God that I'm going to be Pope !

Runnin' for Pope

Well, the pope is pulling the pin so you know what that means: It's pope runnin' time.

I ran for pope the last time the job came open. I didn't do as well as I thought would, but I have a feeling I have a better shot at getting the pope hat this time around.

I'm starting off my campaign with a snappy new look. I had my buddy frankdog "pope me up" a picture of how I will look when I am elected. Pretty classy let me tell you. I just don't see how I can lose.

The first thing I need is a couple of snappy sayings. I've started already:

• "The only hope is Billy for pope"
• "Out of the west, Willy's the best"
• "Don't be a dope vote the Cap'n for pope"

The second thing I'll need is a platform. I was thinking of using 4x4s,2x4s,2x6s and 1x6s, pressure treated of course. That's an old joke but it shows I got a sense of humour.

The last thing I need to do is make some meaningless promises. I operate on the principle: the bigger the lie the more people will beleive.

Once I'm elected then I'm gonna start redecorating. The first thing I'm going to do is put a bar into the sistine chapel. There won't be any of that holy wine, it's beer and whiskey all around. It goes without saying that babes will run the bar and serve drinks..

I'm starting to get all hyped up about this. I better start packing my bags.