Taking Applications

OK, this pope thing is gonna take a lot more work than I figured. I seriously thought I'd have to chuck the damn thing but then it occured to me why should I be doing all the work. The world is full of peasants, so I'm staffing up for this sucker.

I've already filled the position as head of the Swiss Guard. It's some guy I know, Felix something or other. I forget his last name but that's not important. The important thing is that Felix is an actual Swiss person - how cool is that ? You bet !

Felix was a poor yet humble swineherd from some mountain in Swissland. He'd herd them swines up the mountain in the morning and then herd them back down at night just in time for swine milking. Now it's adios to the bucolic* life as one of the simple folk and it's on to the bright lights of VC**.

So, I know people out there are thinking, how can I get a classy job like that with such a classy hat. The answer is simple: join Cap'n Willys pope team. If Felix can do it so can you. Who'd a thought a simple swineherd would ever amount to anything ? Certainly not me. Anyway he heard the "Calling" and ponied up to the table and look where he is today.

Apply now, the time is right.

References
*I just love the word bucolic although I'm not entirely sure what it means
** Vatican City.

I thought it would fancy up this post to add footnotes and it sure does.

A Sign from God

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

That meteor over Russia is a sure sign from God that I'm going to be Pope !

Runnin' for Pope

Well, the pope is pulling the pin so you know what that means: It's pope runnin' time.

I ran for pope the last time the job came open. I didn't do as well as I thought would, but I have a feeling I have a better shot at getting the pope hat this time around.

I'm starting off my campaign with a snappy new look. I had my buddy frankdog "pope me up" a picture of how I will look when I am elected. Pretty classy let me tell you. I just don't see how I can lose.

The first thing I need is a couple of snappy sayings. I've started already:

• "The only hope is Billy for pope"
• "Out of the west, Willy's the best"
• "Don't be a dope vote the Cap'n for pope"

The second thing I'll need is a platform. I was thinking of using 4x4s,2x4s,2x6s and 1x6s, pressure treated of course. That's an old joke but it shows I got a sense of humour.

The last thing I need to do is make some meaningless promises. I operate on the principle: the bigger the lie the more people will beleive.

Once I'm elected then I'm gonna start redecorating. The first thing I'm going to do is put a bar into the sistine chapel. There won't be any of that holy wine, it's beer and whiskey all around. It goes without saying that babes will run the bar and serve drinks..

I'm starting to get all hyped up about this. I better start packing my bags.

The Cap'ns Kid

O Jeeze.........

Well mates, the old Captain fergot to do something. It seems his daughter graduated high school back in the spring of ot '11 and the Cap'n fergot to blog it.

It was a proud day in the life of the ole Cap'n. Now the Cap'ns not one for sentimentality but it near to brung tears to his old eyes.

Here's a picture of me darlin' daughter in front of the family vehicle. Notice how her dress matches the color of the 'mog ? Me and the kid wanted to go to her prom in the 'mog but the Missus put the Kibosh on that plan real quick.

Better late than never. Here's to you kid.

Cap'n Willy battles the Hoar Bats from Hell

As you know the Cap'n has a small but tastefully appointed retreat on quiet and secluded Lake Tageesh. It's quite appropriately named Chateau du Shaque du Lac.

Several years ago it was invaded by bats. The common name for this species of bat is the Little Brown Bat. The Latin name is Pesticus Rodentia Volancia Infernum. The Cap'n, as a rule, has no aversion to sharing his abode with any number of woodland critter. But, these bats are starting to irk the Cap'n to no end. They are imposing on the Cap'ns good nature. They shit and stink the place up to high heaven.

Never one to shirk his duty, the Cap'n has taken up arms in order to repel the obnxious little pests. By arms the Cap'n means 10 cans of spray foam.

To the battlements me hearties !!!!


Sending down for supplies


A well deserved sit down on the family throne.

The battle is but half finished, one more weekend and the boarders will be locked out.

Fortunately for the Cap'n the little flying rats migrate south for the winter so the Cap'n doesn't have to worry about the fanged freaks suckin' his life's blood out.

Because the Cap'n has a soft side he will be putting up a stupid ass bat house for the furry flying buggers.

Roach-a-rific

I was recently chatting with a friend via email. We were discussing the Member of Parliament (MP) for Yukon, Ryan Leef. Leef is a big fan of mixed martial arts (MMA) and he holds the view that MMA can be used to combat bullying, (checkout this whitehorse star article). I'm not sure how that works, maybe it has something to do with the bullied kid being able to punch out the bully, I dunno.

It seems to me that if we use MMA to combat bullying, wouldn't it make sense to stop unwanted teen pregnancies by making sure teens got plenty of sex ?

When talking about right-wingers and their solutions to problems you inevitably come to the questions: How can people be so stupid as to vote these guys ins ? How come we are not extinct ?

I'm not overly concerned over the fact that human idiocy will eventually result in our demise. In a very real sense we deserve to go extinct.

What bothers me is that we will probably be responsible for the extinction of 90% of the other life forms on this planet.

On the bright side, the roaches wll still be here.

I can see 2000 years down the road: An alien lands on the planet and finds a bunch of cigar smoking roaches that speak with a Brooklyn accent. I suspect the the first thing the roaches will say is something like: "Hey bub, you from outta town?"

First Time for Everything

Well I finally did something I never thought I could ever do.

I managed to start my big air compressor on fire. I have to confess it took a bit of doing but I got the thing to belch smoke like an old Russian tractor.

A gasket went in the compressor head, so the thing would only build up pressure to around 20 psi. I ripped it apart and pulled out the old gasket. I used it as a pattern to make a new gasket. I fitted the new gasket in and put 'er back together again. I fired it up and away it goes. It got over 20 psi, so I figured great she's gonna work. I went in the house for a couple of minutes and when I came back out there's smoke pouring out of the thing like a deranged tornado.

I shut 'er down and waited for it to cool off. I took the head off and the new gasket was toasted real good. I suppose that'll learn me to use cork gasket material for something that gets really hot. I might expect myself to take a lesson away from this, for some reason I doubt I'll learn anything.